Friday, September 30, 2005
Still Waiting on Savoy...
Boy, getting paid for a magazine gig can be amazingly slow. Savoy STILL owes me for an article I did in June. It's really getting pathetic and I really feel bad for the writers they've stiffed who really depend on their freelance check to survive.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
re: Television Saga...
Went to Fry's with my "no negative info" check with no problem. And got a better deal. So take that Best Buy!
Remembering Names...
I am horrible with names. I do my DAMNEDEST to remember the names of people, and I'm just terrible. But I think I've come up with a solution. I'm going to try to learn five names of my fellow film students each week, and then learn another five the next, until I can remember them all.
On the lit front, I have to finish my non-fiction book project proposal asap. I want to get my feet wet with film school, but that project needs to be shopped. I know where my bread is buttered. Karen at Kensington has my latest fiction manuscript, so a decision on that will come within October.
I'm going to lecture only a little bit this year. But I still have some to add to the schedule.
MK and I are going to start working on the doc, and he is helping me out by designing my website. Five years with books, adn never a website. That's terrible marketing from a cat who prides himself on marketing his books.
BTW, Friends With Benefits is doing nicely in the Amazon rankings. It is consistently staying under 50,000, and that's without a single interview having been done. I have a slew of interviews set up in the next month, so I hope to get it under 10,000 on a regular basis. If I can do that, then I think I will have created the momentum I need to get some good sales this year. Kensington sent me about 3000 FWB postcards, and I'll distribute them with the galleys.
On the lit front, I have to finish my non-fiction book project proposal asap. I want to get my feet wet with film school, but that project needs to be shopped. I know where my bread is buttered. Karen at Kensington has my latest fiction manuscript, so a decision on that will come within October.
I'm going to lecture only a little bit this year. But I still have some to add to the schedule.
MK and I are going to start working on the doc, and he is helping me out by designing my website. Five years with books, adn never a website. That's terrible marketing from a cat who prides himself on marketing his books.
BTW, Friends With Benefits is doing nicely in the Amazon rankings. It is consistently staying under 50,000, and that's without a single interview having been done. I have a slew of interviews set up in the next month, so I hope to get it under 10,000 on a regular basis. If I can do that, then I think I will have created the momentum I need to get some good sales this year. Kensington sent me about 3000 FWB postcards, and I'll distribute them with the galleys.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Galleys...
We're still unboxing stuff and I found a box full of uncorrected galley proofs of The Ways of Black Folks and Friends With Benefits. Instead of just keeping them in the box, I think I'm going to put a note in each copy and then leave them in a public place. I'd like to track where the books go and who is reading them.
EXCITED!
All right. I am officially excited about film school. I just completed Day One of our orientation, and it just felt good to be around folks who write, and think about writing. I have this feeling that I'm really going to grow in this program.
Met four black folks who are in the acting part of the MFA program. Virginia Union, Spelman, and two Howard grads. HBCUs are representing! I think I'll organize a nice little bbq for the black mfa folks. Just so we don't feel isolated.
But even though the numbers of black folks are sparse, I must say that the folks are diverse occupationally and experience wise. So I look forward to listening to new stories outside of my community.
Met four black folks who are in the acting part of the MFA program. Virginia Union, Spelman, and two Howard grads. HBCUs are representing! I think I'll organize a nice little bbq for the black mfa folks. Just so we don't feel isolated.
But even though the numbers of black folks are sparse, I must say that the folks are diverse occupationally and experience wise. So I look forward to listening to new stories outside of my community.
Ticked Off...
Has anyone else had this experience? For the past month, I've been contemplating a big ass plasma screen television. I want it Magic Johnson theatre big. I deserve it. The wife thinks I deserve it. And so I've been looking at televisions, comparing pixels, and HDTV versus EDTV, etc. So finally, I'm ready to buy. I go down to the local best buy, stare at two different televisions, and finally make my decision. I want that one.
Cool, the saleman says. We get to the register, and I write a check for about four large. I just sold my house in a boom market. I can splurge a bit. But as the cashier puts in the check, she goes to the phone. I'm like, what the dealio? She talks to someone and then comes to me and says my check is declined, but for NO NEGATIVE REASONS. I'm like, well we haven't bounced a check since I was copping Blondies pizza slices at Berkeley in the 80s, so I know there's negative reasons. But if there's no negative reasons, why can't I write the check. She slides me a number to a company called Cetergy. I talk to this cat who tells me that Cetergy has "200 factors" they take in before authorizing purchase. I'm tripping. So some random computer is telling me how much of my hard earned money I can spend???? I go off. I ask for the criteria. He tells me that check sequence is one factor. I'm using check 102 and the last check used was 109. I tell him that my wife uses some checks and I the other. Then he said the length a bank account has been open. My account has been open for ten years straight. So the reporter in me started asking questions. I wanted to know whether or not "zip code" which is a way to racial profile folks, is being used. There's a silence on the other end. He tells me that he doesn't know all of the criteria. This may be a good story to pursue. I can understand if you write bad checks and then get put on a list. But when you get put on a list for NOTHING, then I have a problem.
Cool, the saleman says. We get to the register, and I write a check for about four large. I just sold my house in a boom market. I can splurge a bit. But as the cashier puts in the check, she goes to the phone. I'm like, what the dealio? She talks to someone and then comes to me and says my check is declined, but for NO NEGATIVE REASONS. I'm like, well we haven't bounced a check since I was copping Blondies pizza slices at Berkeley in the 80s, so I know there's negative reasons. But if there's no negative reasons, why can't I write the check. She slides me a number to a company called Cetergy. I talk to this cat who tells me that Cetergy has "200 factors" they take in before authorizing purchase. I'm tripping. So some random computer is telling me how much of my hard earned money I can spend???? I go off. I ask for the criteria. He tells me that check sequence is one factor. I'm using check 102 and the last check used was 109. I tell him that my wife uses some checks and I the other. Then he said the length a bank account has been open. My account has been open for ten years straight. So the reporter in me started asking questions. I wanted to know whether or not "zip code" which is a way to racial profile folks, is being used. There's a silence on the other end. He tells me that he doesn't know all of the criteria. This may be a good story to pursue. I can understand if you write bad checks and then get put on a list. But when you get put on a list for NOTHING, then I have a problem.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Back at Home!
Got in and hugged the wife and kid. Picked up the motorcycle from the shop. Too tired to ride it. Had to go to a UCLA film school party. Nice to meet everyone in my class. Twenty five people in my class, only two black folks, me and a cat from NYC. But a WIDE variety of occupations and experiences, so this will be nice and interesting. I've got two days of orientation beginning tomorrow and then...I help my mother move to Dallas. Twenty hours on the road.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Finished!
I'm officially done with this tour. Got up this morning at 3am in NYC and drove over five hours to DC. Hotel didn't have a room, so I couldn't change for the CBC. Oh well. Can't sweat what you can't change. Did a signing at the AKA event, and that went very well. One woman bought seven books (Divine Nine and Friends With Benefits combo) as gifts. But enough about books. I went to Georgia Browns and got some fried chicken and now it's about waking up and getting on a plane for home. I'm going to sleep for a few hours and then roll for the airport.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Pleasant Surprise...
Did my last NYC booksigning at the Green Acres Mall and had a great time. Got a nice surprise when my AE chapter frat brother Eric Stephens and his beautiful fiancee Isis, came through to visit. Nothin' like selling books with friends. This signing was at a Waldens and it was fun to simply sign and talk to folks. A LOT of sisters came through and where intrigued by the Friends With Benefits concept, and the research I'd done before writing the book. Each one brought their own experience to the convo. The book has tapped into something, and this signing was very encouraging. Now I have to get a tiny bit of rest and then drive five hours to Washington DC. I'm going to be absolutely knocked out after signing at the CBC, Howard, and then at the AKA stepshow. I'm going to only stay about an hour at the AKA show and then get to the hotel and sleep. I leave EARLY for LA on Sunday.
Pleasant Surprise...
Did my last NYC booksigning at the Green Acres Mall and had a great time. Got a nice surprise when my AE chapter frat brother Eric Stephens and his beautiful fiancee Isis, came through to visit. Nothin' like selling books with friends. This signing was at a Waldens and it was fun to simply sign and talk to folks. A LOT of sisters came through and where intrigued by the Friends With Benefits concept, and the research I'd done before writing the book. Each one brought their own experience to the convo. The book has tapped into something, and this signing was very encouraging. Now I have to get a tiny bit of rest and then drive five hours to Washington DC. I'm going to be absolutely knocked out after signing at the CBC, Howard, and then at the AKA stepshow. I'm going to only stay about an hour at the AKA show and then get to the hotel and sleep. I leave EARLY for LA on Sunday.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Winding Down...
The tour is winding down and despite the usual issues with bookstores, I'm close to calling it a success. Books are being moved and I'm starting to get media requests, which I will tackle when I get home. This tour, again, was about momentum. I reintroduced myself to booksellers, and that's important because I was basically rolling colleges and university bookstores for the past three years. I needed to get back in there.
My Amazon rating has been moving too. It's starting to stay under 50,000, which means that there's a bit of consistency in the purchases. It could be one or two per day, but that's enough to get the attention of prospective readers.
Now I'm going to target book clubs, groups and conventions. I HATE multiple author shows, mainly because it's a contest to gain the attention of readers, rather than having conversations with them and then letting the reader make a decision. But I'll do a few of those too.
This weekend should be pretty cool. I have the Congressional Black Caucus and then the AKA Stepshow. Both should be very good for my books.
Next stop, grad school party on the 25th
My Amazon rating has been moving too. It's starting to stay under 50,000, which means that there's a bit of consistency in the purchases. It could be one or two per day, but that's enough to get the attention of prospective readers.
Now I'm going to target book clubs, groups and conventions. I HATE multiple author shows, mainly because it's a contest to gain the attention of readers, rather than having conversations with them and then letting the reader make a decision. But I'll do a few of those too.
This weekend should be pretty cool. I have the Congressional Black Caucus and then the AKA Stepshow. Both should be very good for my books.
Next stop, grad school party on the 25th
Spoke too soon...
Note: Kensington told me I should sign at this bookstore...
Left Long Island at 4:30pm.
Knew I would catch mad traffic getting to Newark and did. But didn't think it would take two and a half hours. Holland Tunnel is a bitch.
Get to Penn Station in Newark.
Get to bookstore.
Clerk stares at me when I tell her I'm there for booksigning.
Looks at calendar. The date is circled with my phone number.
They don't have a single copy of my book in the store.
I turn around and go back to Long Island.
Total time traversing the LIE and Manhattan bridge, four boroughs, and two states: four and a half hours.
Total books signed: 0
Life on the road...Ya gotta love it.
Tomorrow will be better though. I KNOW this bookstore.
Things are looking UP!
Had a really nice booksigning at the Hue-Man bookstore in Harlem (one of the nicest looking black bookstores I've seen) last night. Got a bunch of students from Columbia and Hofstra at the signing, along with regular readers. As it went, I ended up talking about all three of my books, and we got into a nice discussion about the African diaspora.
As I was driving to Harlem, it dawned on me that this was the first time I'd signing at a NYC bookstore. I've signed at a ton of NYC colleges all through the boroughs, but I'd never taken the time to sign at an actual bookstore. Unless I've forgotten, and that's a possibility. Anyway, I was treated nicely and Melony the owner is from LA (Fairfax High, FAX CITY!), so she was coolio.
I have a Newark signing tonight, and then another NY signing on Friday, before I head out to DC for a full day of signings. After that, I'm adios for LA and my own bed!
As I was driving to Harlem, it dawned on me that this was the first time I'd signing at a NYC bookstore. I've signed at a ton of NYC colleges all through the boroughs, but I'd never taken the time to sign at an actual bookstore. Unless I've forgotten, and that's a possibility. Anyway, I was treated nicely and Melony the owner is from LA (Fairfax High, FAX CITY!), so she was coolio.
I have a Newark signing tonight, and then another NY signing on Friday, before I head out to DC for a full day of signings. After that, I'm adios for LA and my own bed!
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Black Kids in the UK...
The Daily Telegraph
Black pupils 'victims of racism by teachers'
By Liz Lightfoot, Education Correspondent
Black pupils are no longer judged to be the most advanced when they
start school and unconscious racism by teachers could be to blame,
according to a professor of education.
Prof David Gillborn, of the London Institute of Education, said the
performance of young black children has apparently declined since 2002
when a new method of assessing four- and five-year-olds was introduced.
Before 2002 teachers were told to administer baseline tests in their
pupils' first few weeks at school but now they tick a series of boxes
based on observations of the children.
Prof Gillborn told a conference of the British Educational Research
Association at Glamorgan University yesterday that data showed black
children were no longer doing so well and that the trend may have
emerged because of the new emphasis on teacher assessment.
There was evidence that many teachers tended to have lower expectations
of black children and graded them accordingly, he said.
Well-meaning, white professionals who simply did "not see equality as a
major concern" were guilty of institutional racism, he said.
A previous study by Prof Gillborn and Prof Heidi Safia Mirza published
in 2000 challenged the preconception that black children entered school
poorly prepared when it found they were the highest achieving of all
groups at the start of their school careers.
Since teacher observation replaced the tests white children have
attained higher marks than all other ethnic groups, Prof Gillborn said.
He added: "Here's one area that black kids were doing well and it has
disappeared, almost overnight. There is no evidence of conscious intent.
There does not need to be."
Black pupils 'victims of racism by teachers'
By Liz Lightfoot, Education Correspondent
Black pupils are no longer judged to be the most advanced when they
start school and unconscious racism by teachers could be to blame,
according to a professor of education.
Prof David Gillborn, of the London Institute of Education, said the
performance of young black children has apparently declined since 2002
when a new method of assessing four- and five-year-olds was introduced.
Before 2002 teachers were told to administer baseline tests in their
pupils' first few weeks at school but now they tick a series of boxes
based on observations of the children.
Prof Gillborn told a conference of the British Educational Research
Association at Glamorgan University yesterday that data showed black
children were no longer doing so well and that the trend may have
emerged because of the new emphasis on teacher assessment.
There was evidence that many teachers tended to have lower expectations
of black children and graded them accordingly, he said.
Well-meaning, white professionals who simply did "not see equality as a
major concern" were guilty of institutional racism, he said.
A previous study by Prof Gillborn and Prof Heidi Safia Mirza published
in 2000 challenged the preconception that black children entered school
poorly prepared when it found they were the highest achieving of all
groups at the start of their school careers.
Since teacher observation replaced the tests white children have
attained higher marks than all other ethnic groups, Prof Gillborn said.
He added: "Here's one area that black kids were doing well and it has
disappeared, almost overnight. There is no evidence of conscious intent.
There does not need to be."
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Penn Article
Author tells life of black bachelor
[Chris Poliquin/The Daily Pennsylvanian]
Author Lawrence Ross discusses his new novel about black male relationships in the Penn Bookstore.
Lawrence Ross' new novel goes into detail about the lives of 'friends with benefits'
By jessica fisher
September 20, 2005
In the midst of a tour that has included more than 500 speeches, Lawrence Ross spoke yesterday about bachelor life in graphic detail at the Penn Bookstore.
"Only money and power gets women, my brother. ... Everything else is just a distraction," Ross said, reading an excerpt from his latest novel, Friends with Benefits.
The book chronicles what Ross has found to be a current trend in dating among African-Americans. Ross based his fictional work on interviews with several single black Americans.
"What I found was that for what seems to be the first time, women are really in control [of the relationships]," Ross said. "But is the 'friends with benefits' trend in the African-American community going to eventually create long-term relationships?"
In fact, Ross said that none of the relationships he studied lasted more than six months.
Friends With Benefits is Ross' first fictional novel.
Ross went on to read a few excerpts from the novel, including some dialogue between the characters.
"Look at Jay-Z and Beyonce. ... Is she even going to look at Jay-Z twice if he's not a rapper and a multi-millionaire? The brother's talented, but he ain't the most handsome man in the pack."
His nonfiction works include The Ways of Black Folks: A Year in the Life of a People and the Los Angeles Times bestseller The Divine Nine: The History of African-American Fraternities and Sororities in America.
A brother of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc., since his initiation at the University of California at Berkeley in 1985, Ross spoke passionately about black fraternity life.
Ross said that he did not include the issue of pledging and hazing in The Divine Nine because it was the first widely circulated book about black fraternities, and he wanted to give readers a positive view of the organizations. However, he did condemn hazing during a question-and-answer session with the audience.
"I don't have a problem with pledging, but the problem is that there's no program I've seen to date that doesn't include ego or danger," Ross said.
Throughout his speech, Ross reiterated that membership in black fraternities and sororities is perpetuated well after college graduation, as many members stay involved after they get their degrees.
[Chris Poliquin/The Daily Pennsylvanian]
Author Lawrence Ross discusses his new novel about black male relationships in the Penn Bookstore.
Lawrence Ross' new novel goes into detail about the lives of 'friends with benefits'
By jessica fisher
September 20, 2005
In the midst of a tour that has included more than 500 speeches, Lawrence Ross spoke yesterday about bachelor life in graphic detail at the Penn Bookstore.
"Only money and power gets women, my brother. ... Everything else is just a distraction," Ross said, reading an excerpt from his latest novel, Friends with Benefits.
The book chronicles what Ross has found to be a current trend in dating among African-Americans. Ross based his fictional work on interviews with several single black Americans.
"What I found was that for what seems to be the first time, women are really in control [of the relationships]," Ross said. "But is the 'friends with benefits' trend in the African-American community going to eventually create long-term relationships?"
In fact, Ross said that none of the relationships he studied lasted more than six months.
Friends With Benefits is Ross' first fictional novel.
Ross went on to read a few excerpts from the novel, including some dialogue between the characters.
"Look at Jay-Z and Beyonce. ... Is she even going to look at Jay-Z twice if he's not a rapper and a multi-millionaire? The brother's talented, but he ain't the most handsome man in the pack."
His nonfiction works include The Ways of Black Folks: A Year in the Life of a People and the Los Angeles Times bestseller The Divine Nine: The History of African-American Fraternities and Sororities in America.
A brother of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc., since his initiation at the University of California at Berkeley in 1985, Ross spoke passionately about black fraternity life.
Ross said that he did not include the issue of pledging and hazing in The Divine Nine because it was the first widely circulated book about black fraternities, and he wanted to give readers a positive view of the organizations. However, he did condemn hazing during a question-and-answer session with the audience.
"I don't have a problem with pledging, but the problem is that there's no program I've seen to date that doesn't include ego or danger," Ross said.
Throughout his speech, Ross reiterated that membership in black fraternities and sororities is perpetuated well after college graduation, as many members stay involved after they get their degrees.
In Long Island and ready to go...
I had a talk with my editor today and feel a lot better. Karen is great, both as an editor and a friend. Frankly, I don't know how she's not burned herself out over these years. So I'm ready to go. I start with Hofstra tomorrow morning and end with Hue-Man in the evening. If I can have a small group at Hue-Man, I'll be cool. I rarely venture into NY for booksignings unless they are connected with a college, so this is going to be different. But what the hell. Only about four days until freedom. Four days before I ride my motorcycle down Crenshaw saying "What? What?" I can't wait.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Bad Day Yesterday...Great Day Today...
I'm in the City of Brotherly Love and things turned up decidedly from yesterday. I had a VERY enjoyable booksigning at the University of Penn and got to see a bunch of folks I know. This is how a booksigning is supposed to go. A lesson I shall learn. Work with college bookstores.
Second. My son got a 100% on his spelling test, plus the bonus words. I am more hyped about that than anything. To date, he's not missed a single word since school has started. And since he's the biggest negotiator on earth, he has leveraged his scholastic achievement into a trip to Shakeys (his favorite) for pizza.
Third, I bought a Genos and Pats Philly cheesesteak and ate them both. I'm still trying to figure out which one I liked better. I think I liked the bread from Pats, but the onions and beef from Genos. Each could have used some black pepper on the beef. I think I declare it a tie.
Next stop: Hofstra.
Second. My son got a 100% on his spelling test, plus the bonus words. I am more hyped about that than anything. To date, he's not missed a single word since school has started. And since he's the biggest negotiator on earth, he has leveraged his scholastic achievement into a trip to Shakeys (his favorite) for pizza.
Third, I bought a Genos and Pats Philly cheesesteak and ate them both. I'm still trying to figure out which one I liked better. I think I liked the bread from Pats, but the onions and beef from Genos. Each could have used some black pepper on the beef. I think I declare it a tie.
Next stop: Hofstra.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
I Couldn't Make This Up...
I remember when I was about fourteen, and I became addicted to old Monty Python skits. There was one skit that used to have me on the floor giggling. It was a skit where a man woke up and everything he did was a disaster. Finally, at the end of the day, he walks away from his house and the house explodes, ending the day. His day was my day today. For all you authors who are jonesing to be published and then have a "spectacular" book tour, remember my day.
9:30am: I'm checking out from my beautiful Atlanta Holiday Inn when the brother behind the counter decides that he wants to charge me a dollar for local calls. Now, I didn't make that many, just to the bookstore, but they add up. So I tell him that I'm a priority club member and he stares blankly. Finally, a manager decides that Holiday Inn will survive without ten dollars worth of calls. Good, it looks like I can make my 11:25am flight to Tampa. That booksigning begins at 4pm, plenty of time for me to land at 1pm and relax for two hours or so. May even get to check out the NFL before the signing. Frustration level: 2 out of 10 with one being relaxed and ten being ready to explode.
10am: Atlanta Hartsfield airport. I have reservations for my tickets, but haven't purchased them. I'm in line, but the line is really long and not moving. I estimate that I'll still be able to get my ticket by the 10:30am cut off. The iPod is on eleven and I'm chilling. Frustration level: 1
10:20am. I'm still ten people from getting to a ticket agent, one of which is having a long conversation with a customer about where she got her shoes. The agent is now taking off her shoes and showing them to the customer. Frustration level: 3
10:32am: I get to the ticket counter and the ticket agent interested in getting new shoes informs me that my flight is now full and I missed the hour cut off time. I tell her politely that if she'd not had a ten minute conversation about shoes, I would have made my flight. She's not amused. The next flight to Tampa leaves Atlanta at 3:30pm. Not a good thing when I'm supposed to be signing at 4pm. I ask her about the closest airport to Tampa. She then has a twenty minute conversation with another collegue about whether the miles they were looking at were actual miles or flight miles. I get booked on a flight to Orlando, about 80 miles from Tampa. Cool. I leave at 11:25am and land at 1pm, get in the hooptie, drive for about an hour and a half, and get into the hotel a little after 2:30pm. Cost of the ticket: $300 Frustration level: 5
11am: My boarding pass has the infamous SSSS, so I'm lucky enough to get picked for "special" security screening. After the security guard feels me up, I'm good to go. Frustration level: 3
11:30am: I'm on the plane, and it is full. The woman sitting in the middle seat suddenly decides that she just had to talk to me now. About anything that came into her head. Flying. Sitting. Drinking water. Eating peanuts. People. Luggage. Landing. Anything. Me? I like to put the iPod on eleven and zone out. Thanks, lady. Frustration level: 4
1pm: Okay, we land. I rush through the Orlando airport and damn, another airport shuttle. I don't know what it is about airports in the South, but they are addicted to shuttles. They get on my damn nerve. I'd rather stroll through the airport and get to the rental car agency asap without the middle man shuttle. Anyway, I get on and off the shuttle and walk five hundred miles to the rental car agency area. Except there's one problem. Hertz is no where to be found. I ask, and the kind woman from Alamo tells me Hertz doesn't have a station in the airport. They are off the airport. I have to take another god dang shuttle. A shuttle that as I turn to look, is just pulling away from the curb. I run like an OJ Simpson girlfriend out of the airport but miss the shuttle. Another will be around, the kind Hertz lady says. In ten minutes. Frustration level: 6
1:30pm: I'm on the Hertz shuttle bus, and wondering how long it will take to get to the Hertz club gold station. The bus driver holds a conversation with her Hertz friend (the one that told me another bus will be around) for ten minutes or so. I start thinking about how long it takes to drive eighty miles. I figure an hour or hour and a half with traffic. That puts me into Tampa around 3pm. Cutting it close, but I'll still have time to shower and get to the store on time. Frustration level: 5
1:48pm. I'm panicking like George Bush at a Nation of Islam convention. I'd originally reserved a Hertz car at Tampa, but unfortunately, I'm not IN Tampa. I'm in Orlando and I didn't have time to call Hertz to let them know of the change. Uh oh. Now the beautiful lady behind counter says that they may not have cars. Huh? She goes through her roster and finds a car. I pull out a credit card, hoping to be on my way. Uh oh number two. Card declined. What? I guess I forgot to monitor the balance on that card. I pull out another card. Whew, that one works. Camry in L29. Sign my contract and run to the car. 95 degrees outside, but I'm on my way. Rental car cost: $89. Frustration level: 7/2 It was a 7 at the beginning and 2 at the end.
2:20pm. The ride from Orlando to Tampa is a straight shot on I-4. Nothing strange about the route, which is great. Because I don't get Florida. I've traveled to forty five states over and over, but I never can get a handle on Florida. The one thing you'll notice when you drive in Florida is that there are no motorcycle helmet laws in Florida. Look, even Peter Fonda and Jack Nicholson wore helmets, so to watch folks ride without helmets at 90mph is like a freak of nature. Anyway, I digress. It's 98 outside, but it's cool in my car. The Avis rental I had in Atlanta was a Chevy POS (but only cost me $1.98 because I received a $50 coupon when I told the guy in DC that my car needed a jump) but the Camry rides like a Deuce and a Quarter. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are on and even though I hate Jon Gruden with a purple passion (die hard Raider fan), it's good to listen to the NFL if I can't watch it. I'm feeling good. Frustration level: 1
2:55pm: Entering Tampa city limits. I'm mentally singing Blur right now. But where's the airport. Oh, just ahead. My Holiday Inn is supposed to next to the airport. But the signs keep point toward the airport, but it doesn't seem to be getting closer. Doesn't matter. I've got to run into it soon. Frustation level: 2
3:05pm: I'm on a frontage road right next to the airport, and unlike 99% of the airports in the world, there are no signs pointing to the hotels. None. Also, Florida has decided to put as many confusing signs at this airport junction as possible. I do what I know to do when I'm lost. I flag down a cabbie. The first cabbie rolls down his window as though I asked him to turn his head and cough. "Where's the airport Holiday Inn?" I ask innocently. "There's no Holiday Inn," he sneers. He drives away. Doubt creeps into my head. No Holiday Inn? My Powerbook says different. Cabbie #2 suggests that I get on 275 south and I'll run into some hotels. Great. I'm on my way! Frustration level: 5
3:14pm: Okay, there's 275 South toward St. Petersberg. I CAN see hotels across the way, so if I get on 275, I can get off closer to the hotels. I'm on 275 South. Hey, where's the exit? Where's the fucking exit? You know how Tampa is sometimes called Tampa Bay? Well, that's because there's a Bay between the cities of Tampa and St. Pete. I'm now on a bridge heading toward St. Pete and there's no turn around. You just have to drive fourteen miles to St. Pete and then turn around. Frustration level: 10
3:23pm: I've turned around and now I'm heading back to Tampa. The first hotel I see is a Clarion Hotel. Initially, I think about going there to see if they know where the Holiday Inn is, but now I don't have time. "Do you have any rooms?" I ask. The Clarion hotel employee answers me in German. She training. On me. Who needs to get to book signing at 4pm. She doesn't care. She taps out my room info using some sort of German Morse code. Finally, I get my key. Cost: 109.00 Frustration level: 7
3:40pm: I throw cash at her like I'm George Bush meeting a Louisiana Congressman, and soon I'm in my hotel room, stripping, ironing, and showering all at the same time. Dressed, I call the bookstore to tell them that I'm going to be a bit late, but don't worry, I'll be there. A kind sounding college student answers the phone but seems remarkably uninformed. No time for that. I gotta get on the road. Frustration level: 6
3:55pm. The road out of the hotel leads to the 275. I expect there to be a "275 South to the left, 275 North, keep straight" sign on the ramp. I get on the ramp. I get a sinking feeling. This muthafucka gets me BACK on that damn bridge of no turnaround to St. Pete, and now I have ANOTHER fourteen mile trip to St. Pete to look forward to. Fuck. Double fuck. Frustration level: 11
4:10pm: I'm back pointed the right way and heading toward Tampa and the bookstore. The one thing I do love is Florida traffic. Everyone thinks they are Mark Martin, so the traffic flows quickly. I'm zooming at an 80mph clip. Gotta love that. What's that up ahead? Remember I told you that I was listening to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers game a while back? Well, it's let out and 500,000 cars have now gotten on the highway. I'm in a parking lot. Frustration level: 14
4:25pm: I'm off the highway and only theoretically four miles to my destination. I think of things I'm going to say to make sure folks are not angry about waiting. All the while, I'm looking for something that will dry the sweat on my forehead. I'm FLYING down the street, looking for 56th street. I'm at 17th. Frustration level: 8
4:35pm: I make the turn onto 56th Street and squint trying to find the street numbers and my bookstore. Finally, I find it. There are cars out front so I'm happy. I jump out of my car and run to the door, and still try to keep my composure. I open the darkened doors and...there's no one there. No one except for a kind little college student who is reading her text book. "Hi, I'm Lawrence Ross and I'm supposed to have a booksigning today." She looks at me like the Clarion hotel trainee. She picks up the phone and calls the owner, who I thought would be at the store to greet me. She hands me the phone. "Hi Lawrence!" she says cheerfully. "I thought we were on for OCTOBER 19th, not today." I stand stunned. I hand the phone to the kind college student and sit down. She gets back on the phone and says that the owner would love for me to sign stock. I mindlessly signed ten books and walk out into the 99 degree/99 humidity heat. Frustration level: Off the charts.
I fumble for my keys and make my way back to my hotel, being careful not to make that St. Pete bridge trip again. So after around $500 spent, a day of aggrevation and frustration, I sit in a Clarion hotel with a slow internet connection. Welcome to the glamour life of an author. I need a drink.
9:30am: I'm checking out from my beautiful Atlanta Holiday Inn when the brother behind the counter decides that he wants to charge me a dollar for local calls. Now, I didn't make that many, just to the bookstore, but they add up. So I tell him that I'm a priority club member and he stares blankly. Finally, a manager decides that Holiday Inn will survive without ten dollars worth of calls. Good, it looks like I can make my 11:25am flight to Tampa. That booksigning begins at 4pm, plenty of time for me to land at 1pm and relax for two hours or so. May even get to check out the NFL before the signing. Frustration level: 2 out of 10 with one being relaxed and ten being ready to explode.
10am: Atlanta Hartsfield airport. I have reservations for my tickets, but haven't purchased them. I'm in line, but the line is really long and not moving. I estimate that I'll still be able to get my ticket by the 10:30am cut off. The iPod is on eleven and I'm chilling. Frustration level: 1
10:20am. I'm still ten people from getting to a ticket agent, one of which is having a long conversation with a customer about where she got her shoes. The agent is now taking off her shoes and showing them to the customer. Frustration level: 3
10:32am: I get to the ticket counter and the ticket agent interested in getting new shoes informs me that my flight is now full and I missed the hour cut off time. I tell her politely that if she'd not had a ten minute conversation about shoes, I would have made my flight. She's not amused. The next flight to Tampa leaves Atlanta at 3:30pm. Not a good thing when I'm supposed to be signing at 4pm. I ask her about the closest airport to Tampa. She then has a twenty minute conversation with another collegue about whether the miles they were looking at were actual miles or flight miles. I get booked on a flight to Orlando, about 80 miles from Tampa. Cool. I leave at 11:25am and land at 1pm, get in the hooptie, drive for about an hour and a half, and get into the hotel a little after 2:30pm. Cost of the ticket: $300 Frustration level: 5
11am: My boarding pass has the infamous SSSS, so I'm lucky enough to get picked for "special" security screening. After the security guard feels me up, I'm good to go. Frustration level: 3
11:30am: I'm on the plane, and it is full. The woman sitting in the middle seat suddenly decides that she just had to talk to me now. About anything that came into her head. Flying. Sitting. Drinking water. Eating peanuts. People. Luggage. Landing. Anything. Me? I like to put the iPod on eleven and zone out. Thanks, lady. Frustration level: 4
1pm: Okay, we land. I rush through the Orlando airport and damn, another airport shuttle. I don't know what it is about airports in the South, but they are addicted to shuttles. They get on my damn nerve. I'd rather stroll through the airport and get to the rental car agency asap without the middle man shuttle. Anyway, I get on and off the shuttle and walk five hundred miles to the rental car agency area. Except there's one problem. Hertz is no where to be found. I ask, and the kind woman from Alamo tells me Hertz doesn't have a station in the airport. They are off the airport. I have to take another god dang shuttle. A shuttle that as I turn to look, is just pulling away from the curb. I run like an OJ Simpson girlfriend out of the airport but miss the shuttle. Another will be around, the kind Hertz lady says. In ten minutes. Frustration level: 6
1:30pm: I'm on the Hertz shuttle bus, and wondering how long it will take to get to the Hertz club gold station. The bus driver holds a conversation with her Hertz friend (the one that told me another bus will be around) for ten minutes or so. I start thinking about how long it takes to drive eighty miles. I figure an hour or hour and a half with traffic. That puts me into Tampa around 3pm. Cutting it close, but I'll still have time to shower and get to the store on time. Frustration level: 5
1:48pm. I'm panicking like George Bush at a Nation of Islam convention. I'd originally reserved a Hertz car at Tampa, but unfortunately, I'm not IN Tampa. I'm in Orlando and I didn't have time to call Hertz to let them know of the change. Uh oh. Now the beautiful lady behind counter says that they may not have cars. Huh? She goes through her roster and finds a car. I pull out a credit card, hoping to be on my way. Uh oh number two. Card declined. What? I guess I forgot to monitor the balance on that card. I pull out another card. Whew, that one works. Camry in L29. Sign my contract and run to the car. 95 degrees outside, but I'm on my way. Rental car cost: $89. Frustration level: 7/2 It was a 7 at the beginning and 2 at the end.
2:20pm. The ride from Orlando to Tampa is a straight shot on I-4. Nothing strange about the route, which is great. Because I don't get Florida. I've traveled to forty five states over and over, but I never can get a handle on Florida. The one thing you'll notice when you drive in Florida is that there are no motorcycle helmet laws in Florida. Look, even Peter Fonda and Jack Nicholson wore helmets, so to watch folks ride without helmets at 90mph is like a freak of nature. Anyway, I digress. It's 98 outside, but it's cool in my car. The Avis rental I had in Atlanta was a Chevy POS (but only cost me $1.98 because I received a $50 coupon when I told the guy in DC that my car needed a jump) but the Camry rides like a Deuce and a Quarter. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are on and even though I hate Jon Gruden with a purple passion (die hard Raider fan), it's good to listen to the NFL if I can't watch it. I'm feeling good. Frustration level: 1
2:55pm: Entering Tampa city limits. I'm mentally singing Blur right now. But where's the airport. Oh, just ahead. My Holiday Inn is supposed to next to the airport. But the signs keep point toward the airport, but it doesn't seem to be getting closer. Doesn't matter. I've got to run into it soon. Frustation level: 2
3:05pm: I'm on a frontage road right next to the airport, and unlike 99% of the airports in the world, there are no signs pointing to the hotels. None. Also, Florida has decided to put as many confusing signs at this airport junction as possible. I do what I know to do when I'm lost. I flag down a cabbie. The first cabbie rolls down his window as though I asked him to turn his head and cough. "Where's the airport Holiday Inn?" I ask innocently. "There's no Holiday Inn," he sneers. He drives away. Doubt creeps into my head. No Holiday Inn? My Powerbook says different. Cabbie #2 suggests that I get on 275 south and I'll run into some hotels. Great. I'm on my way! Frustration level: 5
3:14pm: Okay, there's 275 South toward St. Petersberg. I CAN see hotels across the way, so if I get on 275, I can get off closer to the hotels. I'm on 275 South. Hey, where's the exit? Where's the fucking exit? You know how Tampa is sometimes called Tampa Bay? Well, that's because there's a Bay between the cities of Tampa and St. Pete. I'm now on a bridge heading toward St. Pete and there's no turn around. You just have to drive fourteen miles to St. Pete and then turn around. Frustration level: 10
3:23pm: I've turned around and now I'm heading back to Tampa. The first hotel I see is a Clarion Hotel. Initially, I think about going there to see if they know where the Holiday Inn is, but now I don't have time. "Do you have any rooms?" I ask. The Clarion hotel employee answers me in German. She training. On me. Who needs to get to book signing at 4pm. She doesn't care. She taps out my room info using some sort of German Morse code. Finally, I get my key. Cost: 109.00 Frustration level: 7
3:40pm: I throw cash at her like I'm George Bush meeting a Louisiana Congressman, and soon I'm in my hotel room, stripping, ironing, and showering all at the same time. Dressed, I call the bookstore to tell them that I'm going to be a bit late, but don't worry, I'll be there. A kind sounding college student answers the phone but seems remarkably uninformed. No time for that. I gotta get on the road. Frustration level: 6
3:55pm. The road out of the hotel leads to the 275. I expect there to be a "275 South to the left, 275 North, keep straight" sign on the ramp. I get on the ramp. I get a sinking feeling. This muthafucka gets me BACK on that damn bridge of no turnaround to St. Pete, and now I have ANOTHER fourteen mile trip to St. Pete to look forward to. Fuck. Double fuck. Frustration level: 11
4:10pm: I'm back pointed the right way and heading toward Tampa and the bookstore. The one thing I do love is Florida traffic. Everyone thinks they are Mark Martin, so the traffic flows quickly. I'm zooming at an 80mph clip. Gotta love that. What's that up ahead? Remember I told you that I was listening to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers game a while back? Well, it's let out and 500,000 cars have now gotten on the highway. I'm in a parking lot. Frustration level: 14
4:25pm: I'm off the highway and only theoretically four miles to my destination. I think of things I'm going to say to make sure folks are not angry about waiting. All the while, I'm looking for something that will dry the sweat on my forehead. I'm FLYING down the street, looking for 56th street. I'm at 17th. Frustration level: 8
4:35pm: I make the turn onto 56th Street and squint trying to find the street numbers and my bookstore. Finally, I find it. There are cars out front so I'm happy. I jump out of my car and run to the door, and still try to keep my composure. I open the darkened doors and...there's no one there. No one except for a kind little college student who is reading her text book. "Hi, I'm Lawrence Ross and I'm supposed to have a booksigning today." She looks at me like the Clarion hotel trainee. She picks up the phone and calls the owner, who I thought would be at the store to greet me. She hands me the phone. "Hi Lawrence!" she says cheerfully. "I thought we were on for OCTOBER 19th, not today." I stand stunned. I hand the phone to the kind college student and sit down. She gets back on the phone and says that the owner would love for me to sign stock. I mindlessly signed ten books and walk out into the 99 degree/99 humidity heat. Frustration level: Off the charts.
I fumble for my keys and make my way back to my hotel, being careful not to make that St. Pete bridge trip again. So after around $500 spent, a day of aggrevation and frustration, I sit in a Clarion hotel with a slow internet connection. Welcome to the glamour life of an author. I need a drink.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Burnt...
I'm burnt y'all and I think I'm going to cut back some of my NYC signings. Kensington has not done a good job with my publicity and unless they have a better plan when I hit the NYC, I don't see a reason to do these signings. The Atlanta signing went okay, but then we went to a book club conference and I sold a bunch of books.
But beyond all of that, I've been on the road for about five years straight and this tour is letting me know that I abhor traveling. Not dislike, but abhor. I have been in almost 500 Holiday Inns over these five years and if I see another one, I'll puke. There has GOT to be a better way to promote ones book than being on the road. The sense of isolation, the monotony, and the neverending boredom is all encompassing. Each city melds into another and even if you're not well traveled, things really begin to look the same.
And you're constantly tired. I fly to Tampa tomorrow and I have to get up at 5am for a 7:55am flight. It's nearly 1am right now and I feel like an insominiac. Honestly, I don't know how rock stars do it. What I DO understand is how they take drugs to numb themselves. It's that bad.
Here's what I'm dreaming about right now:
1. Hugging my wife
2. Wrestling with my son.
3. Sleeping in my own bed for about twelve hours.
4. Getting on my new motorcycle and riding for no reason to nowhere.
5. Not writing a damn thing for a week at least.
What am I listening to in order to get myself straight: Prefab Sprout: Bonny. Why that? It's the music I have in my head for a script I'm writing. I can't get away from it.
But beyond all of that, I've been on the road for about five years straight and this tour is letting me know that I abhor traveling. Not dislike, but abhor. I have been in almost 500 Holiday Inns over these five years and if I see another one, I'll puke. There has GOT to be a better way to promote ones book than being on the road. The sense of isolation, the monotony, and the neverending boredom is all encompassing. Each city melds into another and even if you're not well traveled, things really begin to look the same.
And you're constantly tired. I fly to Tampa tomorrow and I have to get up at 5am for a 7:55am flight. It's nearly 1am right now and I feel like an insominiac. Honestly, I don't know how rock stars do it. What I DO understand is how they take drugs to numb themselves. It's that bad.
Here's what I'm dreaming about right now:
1. Hugging my wife
2. Wrestling with my son.
3. Sleeping in my own bed for about twelve hours.
4. Getting on my new motorcycle and riding for no reason to nowhere.
5. Not writing a damn thing for a week at least.
What am I listening to in order to get myself straight: Prefab Sprout: Bonny. Why that? It's the music I have in my head for a script I'm writing. I can't get away from it.
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